After spending lots of time on the phone and email today with insurance, PT, geneticists, Medicaid, the hospital, and the cryobank (talking about the sperm donor’s chromosomes), we were so happy to get the good news about the EEG. Then I went to pick up the girls at daycare and got hit with a bomb.
Our daycare provider told us that after lots of thinking about yesterday’s situation with Ryan choking on her formula, she wants us to keep Ryan home. She was so upset about what happened with Ryan that she and her husband felt that it was best to not watch Ryan anymore. She said that she loves her so much and that if something happened to her on her watch she wouldn’t know what she’d do. I shouldn’t have been in shock but I was. I tried to reassure her that it was just a fluke. She passed her swallow test with flying colors and anyone could choke at any time and she did the right thing when it happened. But she had made up her mind. I guess I had been trying to be optimistic about things with T but deep down we (especially Katie) knew that she has been setting us up for this for a long time. Without going into all the details, the bottom line is we think that T was worried that she couldn’t handle Ryan and the 2 other babies that were about to be born and coming to daycare. Ryan doesn’t even need a lot of extra-special care. She is such a good girl. But there were other things. She had been trying to tell us how we should feed her (we are going to a specialized feeding team that knows best and she would question them) and when we should feed her – to suit her schedule. I also wonder if she was a little peeved that we didn’t pay her on days that she took off, unlike the other parents (speaking of which, some of the other parents found her a bit overbearing like we did).
I asked her if this was indefinite, and she couldn’t answer me. So I told her that if she wasn’t taking Ryan then she wasn’t going to get Charlie either. I was furious. I couldn’t look at her. She kept saying that I needed to understand where she was coming from. I do – I’m her mother for God’s sake. I told her that she needs to understand that we are SCREWED now. We both work. What are we supposed to do? How many daycares take special needs kids? Thank God that I’m off for the summer but we were relying on her for all the times that Ryan has doctor appointments and Charlie needs to be looked after.
But this is why we are really upset: Months ago when she wasn’t following the formula recipe for Ryan (because “she’ll take a bottle like a normal kid if we don’t thicken the formula”) and I had to talk to her about it, I told her that I felt like she was setting us up to tell us that she wasn’t able to watch Ryan. She told me that she “doesn’t quit kids”. Well, guess what? She quit Ryan today. And she quit Charlie. And she quit us. She has been a part of Charlie’s life for 3 years and Charlie loves her. She broke my girls’ hearts today and put us in a very bad situation. I really, really hope that someone else will come into our lives to watch our precious babies. We need a miracle. Actually, after all the heartache we’ve gone through in the past year, we deserve one.